


To Be Someone

by UchihanoChidori



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 08:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchihanoChidori/pseuds/UchihanoChidori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am their new weapon of mass destruction," he hissed. "That's not pride, that's greediness. The way they see us...Shisui, there's nothing but hunger for power in their eyes, and it angers and saddens me. We are more than that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Be Someone

**Author's Note:**

> Itachi is 13 and Shisui is 16 in this. I have no idea what the age difference between them was, but I like it better this way. Light intimate interaction.

To Be Someone

  
  


By UchihanoChidori

  
  
The sun setting over the village of Konoha painted the houses and buildings in tones of lavender and soft orange.  
  
Uchiha Itachi enjoyed the view from the top of the roof of the tallest building in the village the most, because it was where he could see almost every single part of it, and where he had an amazing view of the Hokage monument. It was blissfully quiet there, too.  
  
A gentle but cold breeze made Itachi's bangs sway, the light chill causing him to press his knees tighter to his chest. He regretted choosing a t-shirt instead of a sweater, now, especially because he was wearing shorts instead of his usual sweat pants.  
  
Dark, unfocused eyes stared at the horizon that stretched out before him, not really seeing anything in particular.  
  
It had been a long day, and more than being physically exhausted, his mind was completely worn out.  
  
At barely thirteen, he had just become what many men could never accomplish in a lifetime by being admitted in the ANBU. His parents had been thrilled.  
  
_You are definitely my son,_  Fugaku, his father had said, a rare, very small smile gracing a serious mouth.  
  
_You have grown up so much! What a wonderful Shinobi you have become, Itachi!_ His mother, Mikoto had said, before promising to cook his favorite dish for dinner.  
  
_Nee, nii-san, I want to be just like you one day!_  His little brother, Sasuke, filled with that pure, childish pride had exclaimed, tugging excitedly at the hem of his t-shirt. _You'll teach me, won't you? I want to grow up fast so I can be strong, too!_  
  
Itachi envied his cute brother's naivety. Sasuke was already studying at the academy, and yet, he was still so young, so unblemished by the burden of being a real Shinobi that it was both painful and refreshing to watch.  
  
If he had a say in the matter, he'd never let Sasuke become like him, but Itachi was only his older brother, and there was little he could do to control his future.  
  
Of course, news spread fast, and soon enough, all of the Uchiha clan knew about the development in his career and wasted no time in congratulating him, some by approaching him as he walked the streets of the compound, others going directly to his family home to offer compliments to his parents on his behalf.  
  
It was a joyful day to the Uchiha clan, no doubt about it, but to Itachi, it was one of the worst days of his life because he knew that, for him, it was nothing more than the beginning of a long and hateful journey.  
  
His eyes began to water in frustration and resentment. How he wished he could just vanish.  
  
Feet landed on the red tiles of the roof, stopping on his right side, and he hurriedly rubbed the tears away with a quick, angry gesture of his wrists.  
  
"I finally managed to find you," a familiar, quiet voice said. "Everyone has seen you today, and yet, I'm the only one who has to look for you."  
  
"I'm sorry." Itachi mumbled, knowing he didn't sound all that apologetic.  
  
The person sat down. Itachi watched long, strong legs stretch out in front of him over the stony surface. His eyes ran over the lithe body slowly until they settled on the face of his best friend, whose back was leaned against the stone, his arms crossed over his chest. Shisui was staring at him attentively with slightly narrowed eyes. The intensity of the stare made Itachi's throat run dry and he looked away, glad that he was feeling way too irritated to blush at the moment.  
  
Shisui wasn't a particularly attractive person as far as looks went. He had the same dark, penetrating eyes that were the Uchiha trademark, simple but correct features, and short but wild untamable black hair with greyish highlights.  
  
People said that Itachi was an attractive boy, but he didn't care for such trivial things. Looks could be advantageous in missions, yes, but in real life, the way a person looked on the outside was completely irrelevant to him; it was what a human being represented that mattered, nothing more, and that was what he wanted people to see when they looked at him.  
  
"It's been a while since I've seen you this gloomy," Shisui muttered perceptively. "It's supposed to be a happy day, no?"  
  
"Hn…" was all Itachi replied, shrugging almost imperceptivity before burying his face in his arms.  
  
A few minutes of silence stretched out between them as the sun buried itself deeper into the trees of the forest beyond the village gates.  
  
"Hey," Shisui mumbled, poking Itachi's side gently. "You want to talk? Tell me what's gotten you so upset; I'm all ears."  
  
Itachi sighed and lifted his head up, only to rest his chin on his arms with his eyes closed. He didn't want to talk about it, and yet, there was a heavy weight in his heart he couldn't identify, but he wasn't sure he knew how to explain his feelings correctly. He wasn't good with words, and most of the times, he couldn't express himself the way he wanted to, reason why he often preferred to be quiet, knowing that his words never seemed to reach anybody's ears, not even his parents'.  
  
But Shisui was different from all of them – he was someone who had a unique way of connecting with people, and he understood Itachi without having to make an effort. The best part of it was that Shisui never made fun of him, or judged him.  
  
"They were all so thrilled that I got into ANBU," Itachi said, unable to contain the disdain dripping from his voice. "It makes me sick."  
  
"They're just proud of you," Shisui said, in a natural tone, devoid of emotion. "You're a prodigy."  
  
Itachi snorted softly.  
  
"I am their new weapon of mass destruction," he hissed. "That's not pride, that's greediness. The way they see us...Shisui, there's nothing but hunger for power in their eyes, and it angers and saddens me. We are more than that."  
  
The older teen beside him sighed contemplatively.  
  
"Yes, we are," he complied softly. "Our eyes perceive the world differently from theirs. They see black and white; we see the colors for what they are."  
  
Itachi looked at his friend, a small frown marring his young, but serious features.  
  
"Why does it have to be like that?" he muttered, shaking his head from side to side. "Why can't they all be like us? Like your father?"  
  
The older teen shrugged, crossing his legs Indian style and looking at the beautiful scenery below. For a moment, Itachi contemplated his relaxed, peaceful features, and wondered, not for the first time, how someone with such strong ideals could live without carrying a single trace of apprehension in his face. In many ways, Shisui seemed a lot younger than Itachi, or maybe it was his heart that hadn't allowed itself to become tainted with revulsion, like Itachi's.  
  
Itachi admired that about him. In fact, he admired everything about Shisui, reason why he felt so utterly displeased at the way their clan eyed him as a prodigy and demanded so much from him.  
  
Itachi, himself, was seen as something out of the ordinary, but he knew what it took, the blood, sweat, pain and tears he had shed so he could be someone they all took pride in.  
  
He knew he was smart, yes, but if it had been for him alone, he would have never fought that hard to be whom he was today. He had done it not to please himself, his parents, or his clan; he had done it for Shisui, the person he admired the most in the world, the one who understood him and accepted him for who he was. He hadn't done it in an act of rivalry or pride; he hadn't meant to show off. But Shisui was someone who had been burdened by the clan's dreams and ambitions. Compared to the world of possibilities, companionship and shared dreams that Shisui offered him, sharing that burden seemed trivial to Itachi.  
  
These were things Itachi would probably never tell his friend, though.  
  
"The Uchiha are a powerful, intense clan," Shisui said easily. "Most of our men are highly strict, and yet, our ability to love is so great that leads our hatred to know no boundaries. You and I are different from them. We understand that the path of revenge leads to nothing but pain and destruction. That's why we have to create a new path for them, and make sure the Uchiha name is respected instead of being stained in blood."  
  
Itachi bit his lower lip, his usually impassive eyes filled with despair. Shisui noticed it and looked back at him, looking surprised by the expression.  
  
"I am not like you," Itachi blurted out, with poorly contained fury. "I can't help the anger boiling inside me at how...utterly ridiculous this situation is. The rebellion is about to start, soon, and I...why do we have to be weapons? Why do they have to do this? I hate it!"  
  
Shisui eyed him for a few seconds before offering Itachi the gentlest, most honest smile ever.  
  
"Itachi, it's okay to be angry," he said, placing one hand over the top of the younger one's head and patting it slightly. "There is nothing wrong with feeling hatred, even if it is towards your own blood."  
  
Itachi felt his eyes burn with upcoming tears once more, but he swallowed hard and breathed in deeply, trying to find some comfort in his best friend's caring eyes.  
  
"I wish things were different," he whispered. "I don't hate them; I hate their goals, their ideals. And it pains me to know that my mother, always so…gentle and lively, is a part of it. Don't my parents think about Sasuke? Aren't they scared of the person he might become, influenced by them? He's so young, he doesn't understand these political messes, and Konoha is his home, his…"  
  
"Hey," Shisui interrupted, his hand falling to Itachi's shoulder to shake it a bit. "Listen to me carefully. You are a weapon, but you are your own weapon. Your body is yours, and no-one else's. It's up to you to decide how to act, what to do. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"  
  
Itachi sniffed, angry at himself for feeling so vulnerable, and nodded. "I understand. I'm just…I hate being a Shinobi."  
  
Shisui's expression didn't change, but Itachi's heart seemed to have lost a ton of weight from the admission.  
  
"I know you do," the elder one said, in a tender whisper. "You are far too kind to be a Shinobi. But why have you become one if you despise it that much?"  
  
Itachi made a disgruntled, displeased face at him.  
  
"You know why," he mumbled, shaking his head from side to side. "Being a Shinobi is my means to an end. It's thanks to it that I can look forward to our dream coming true. Also…it's the only way I can be strong enough to protect what is important to me."  
  
Shisui's hand fell from his shoulder, the lack of warm contact making Itachi feel suddenly cold.  
  
"Is it really  _our_  dream?" he asked quietly, averting his eyes to drop them to his lap. "I have imposed my own ideals on you and you accepted them. You never once disagreed with the way I think, with the actions I take, or am planning on taking. I often think that I'm being selfish, that I should consider your own dreams, your own…"  
  
"Shut up," Itachi interrupted strictly, frowning at the other boy before tilting his head back and focusing on the darkening sky. "I don't want to constantly have to say things over and over again, Shisui, and we have already had this conversation before."  
  
Shisui blinked at him seriously before heaving a long sigh and frowning at him.  
  
"Your hair has grown up quite a lot." He noted simply, pointing at Itachi's hair that was now tied in a long loose pony tail that fell all the way down to the middle of his spine.  
  
"Well, I haven't exactly had time to take care of that kind of stuff," Itachi defended, feeling suddenly self-conscious.  
  
The eldest of the two chewed on his lower lip contemplatively. "Make room for me, I'm going to cut it."  
  
Blushing a little, Itachi silently obeyed, moving forwards a little even though he knew Shisui had more than enough space on the roof to move freely on his own accord.  
  
When Itachi had been eight, there was this long term mission where he had been away for so long that his hair had grown out quite a lot. Shisui had claimed to like seeing him with long hair, and had promptly styled it – in spite of Itachi's protests at the time – to the shape of Itachi's current hairstyle. Shisui had fussed so much about his achievement on making him look good that Itachi had decided to keep the hairstyle. His mother still hated it, but the young one didn't care.  
  
Shisui moved nimbly to sit behind him, his legs spread out in either side of Itachi's body, the inside of his thighs colliding with the outside of his in a casual, but intimate gesture. With gentleness, he undid the ribbon that held Itachi's hair until the ebony strands cascaded along his back. Almost respectfully, he ran his fingers over them.  
  
"You know," Shisui muttered, in a quiet but solemn tone as he rummaged through the pouch at his waist in search for his kunai. "I do feel selfish, in spite of your own thoughts on it. I mean, you don't realize this, but when I look at you, I see someone who is devoted, and who will truly do whatever it takes to make this dream come true."  
  
The process was familiar, and Itachi let his eyes fall closed at the firm yet careful gestures of the sharp weapon as it began trimming his hair.  
  
There was small smile gracing Shisui's voice, even though the tone also held a bit of sadness.  
  
"I entrusted my will to you, Itachi, and I know that, even if you aren't able to fulfill it, you will certainly entrust it over to someone worthy. It's a heavy burden to carry."  
  
Not even once, ever since he could remember, did Itachi doubt or question his best friend's way of life. Shisui had always been, to him, more than family and more than a role model, and while Itachi never really wanted to become a second Shisui, he did take into high account his words and advices. If he followed after him, if he wished to walk in his footsteps, it was only because he truly believed in him and wanted to become a better person thanks to him.  
  
Even before Sasuke was born, Shisui had been his light, the one who always made everything better, even in dire times, or even when his parents' demands on his young, childish self had felt unbearable to endure.  
  
For Shisui, he'd go anywhere, do anything. There was no burden too heavy as long as he was there.  
  
"We will see  _our_  dream coming through,  _together_ ," Itachi said, resolutely, re-opening his eyes to see the beautiful scenery in front of him. " _Our_  dream,  _our_ choice, and  _our_  job to make sure we achieve what we both want, so don't talk as if you're expecting to be dead before all of this is over."  
  
Shisui chuckled softly behind him, the carefree action making shivers of horror run down Itachi's spine. Shisui only made that particular sound when he was planning to do something secret, something no-one should know about. A sudden bad feeling invaded Itachi's every nerve.  
  
"Well, I'm just saying, supposing it happens, considering I'm older..."  
  
"What if it happens to  _me_?" Itachi snapped, looking over his shoulder with an angry expression. "Then what?"  
  
Shisui's smile didn't falter.  
  
"I would never allow it," he muttered, shaking his head from side to side. "Under no circumstance must you die before me. Now stay still, dummy."  
  
The younger one allowed his senpai's hands to turn his head away once more, so he could proceed working on fixing his hair.  
  
"Now I understand where the selfishness in you comes from," Itachi mumbled, the annoyance inside of him being quickly replaced by an odd feeling of loss and fear, and still, he managed to make his voice sound convinced. "We  _will_  see the end of all this.  _Together_."  
  
Shisui made a clucking sound with his tongue, almost as if he was dismissing Itachi's words as he proceeded to work efficiently, in silence.  
  
The sun sunk deeper on the horizon. The sky was now a dark purple color, tiny stars already adorning it, and the first lights had begun to appear in the streets and in the windows of unknown houses.  
  
"Hn..." Shisui said appreciatively, after a while. "There, much better."  
  
"Thank you." Itachi said in a polite way. Shisui's arms moved and he threw the strands of Itachi's hair away. Itachi watched in mild fascination as each individual hair became independent and was easily blown away by the breeze, quickly vanishing from sight.  
  
He let out a tired breath as Shisui's fingers combed through his hair, purposefully – Itachi guessed – touching his temples and neck.  
  
"What will your dreams be, once we have achieved our goals?" The thirteen year old asked, in a whisper.  
  
As he tied Itachi's hair back with the black ribbon, Shisui shrugged calmly.  
  
"I'm not sure..." he said, "But I think I'd like to leave Konoha."  
  
"And go where?" Itachi inquired, genuine curiosity assaulting him because he hadn't been expecting such an answer.  
  
"I don't know," Shisui admitted, knotting the ribbon so it was securing the soft, straight strands. "Just...leave. I'd like to travel for a while. Afterwards, since I do like the Shinobi life, I would probably work as one, doing stuff here and there to help people in need." His voice dropped a few octaves, hands falling to his Itachi's shoulders as he leaned in, to whisper in his ear. "If I could have a say in the matter, I'd like for you to come with me. You could quit being a Shinobi and do something else."  
  
The closeness made Itachi tense in spite of not being intimidating. He liked it when Shisui was like that, caring and open.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Come on, I may be a prodigy, but we both know your brains are far better than mine," Shisui offered, cracking a small, almost teasing laugh. "You can definitely be whoever you want to be."  
  
"Such a life..." Itachi murmured, almost losing his voice when the older teen's arms surrounded his neck from behind, his firm chest colliding with his back. "You'll want to get married and have kids someday. You'd leave me behind at some point."  
  
"Aren't you being hypocritical?" Shisui inquired, planting a small, almost shy kiss on the curve of his neck.  
  
"I already have people whom I love deeply," Itachi replied, allowing his body to shiver slightly at the contact. "My heart has exhausted itself. I know I don't have the ability to offer such feelings to a woman, or anyone else that crosses my path, for that matter."  
  
"So harsh..." the other said, resting his chin on Itachi's shoulder.  
  
"It is what it is."  
  
"Well, you know I trust you with my life," Shisui's hands were steady as they caressed his chest carefully, almost like a mother would do, to ease some kind of lung pain, but there was a hidden emotion in it, almost like a repressed urge. "Everything I am, all my secrets, my good points and bad points, my dreams, my fears...I offered them all to you. If I had to choose someone to spend the rest of my life with, it would definitely be you." He buried his nose behind Itachi's ear. "The question is; would  _you_  be willing to do it? Would you come with me?"  
  
The answer was easy, and Itachi didn't even think about it before opening his mouth to speak. "I would."  
  
"Liar," Shisui said, laughing a bit once more. "You'd never leave little Sasuke's side. How would you look after him if you were gone?"  
  
"I will always look after him and take care of him, no matter where I am or what I'm doing," Itachi said resolutely, not a doubt plaguing his mind. "I will protect him until my dying breath, but I don't need to be by his side to do so."  
  
A few silent seconds stretched by before the eldest prodigy spoke, his voice almost hopeful. "So you'd be with me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ah, you're such a loyal person..."  
  
"It's not just for you," Itachi stated, grabbing one of Shisui's wrists and squeezing it emphatically. "I am, most of all, loyal to myself."  
  
Shisui smiled and pressed his lips to Itachi's ear. "I know, and that is what I love the most about you."  
  
Itachi had always been a person with a quick train of thought. It wasn't like he needed to ponder on things for too long, his brain usually did all the work without him even noticing and, before he knew it, his body was acting on its own accord, responding to the signals his brain sent in a natural, almost automatic way. This prevented him from feeling nervous or scared during missions, and allowed him to always keep his cool, detached face. So, he was in a perfectly normal state of mind, and perfectly comfortable with himself to stretch his legs, twist his body around a bit so that he was semi-lying on Shisui's leg and tilt his head upwards. He was only vaguely aware of Shisui's kind smile, before those dark pools of endless blackness disappeared behind pale eyelids and the taller of the two was leaning down responsively to press their lips together.  
  
It wasn't like they had done that before – in fact, even though he was sure Shisui wasn't inexperienced, Itachi himself had never been that intimate with anyone, ever –, but it felt normal and natural. Sure, Itachi could sense his heartbeat quickening a bit and heat pooling pleasantly in his stomach where tiny butterflies seemed to fly around excitedly, but it wasn't particularly overwhelming or surprising. He knew it would happen, sooner or later, and somehow, knew that it would feel simple and perfect like this. He supposed it was how lovers felt after being together for a few years, only they weren't lovers, and they had never kissed before.  
  
Did it mean it was, somehow, meant to be? If there were such things as soul mates, was that how that kind of bond manifested itself? That natural, comfortable perfection that demanded nothing?  
  
Ridiculous.  
  
Shisui released a content breath through his nose before pressing their lips tighter together and moving his mouth slowly against Itachi's, who opened his to try and understand what he was supposed to do, how he was supposed to react.  
  
A hand cupped his jaw affectionately and he let Shisui kiss him languidly. Itachi studied the way his mouth moved minutely, and once he had processed the information, he gave it a try and allowed himself to mimic him and kiss back.  
  
It felt…different, better now that they seemed to have synced, even if Itachi knew he was still too clumsy to provide a very erotic experience for the other. He was sure there should be some meeting of tongues there somewhere, and yet, since the other male wasn't moving to make it happen, he didn't risk it either.  
  
Besides, the simple coziness of their mouths together was pure and perfect enough as it was.  
  
After a while, Shisui leaned away, breaking the contact and letting out a small, almost embarrassed cackle.  
  
"This is not a good position for this." he pointed out, thumb brushing over Itachi's cheek.  
  
"I agree," Itachi said, looking up at his friend with a light smirk. "It's not exactly how I had imagined it would be."  
  
Shisui blinked at him.  
  
"You have...thought about...us?" he inquired, disbelievingly.  
  
Itachi rolled his eyes.  
  
"You're not seriously asking me this, are you?"  
  
Shisui shrugged, his arms tightening more around his younger kouhai.  
  
"Is this incest? I mean, we're not cousins or anything, but we are of the same blood, so..."  
  
"I don't know, and I don't care."  
  
They looked at each other for a long while, Shisui's features becoming heavy, too mature for his age as he scrutinized Itachi's serious face.  
  
"Itachi..." he whispered, almost as if heartbroken, "You are too young."  
  
Itachi bit his lower lip, frowning. "Too young for you?"  
  
"Yes," Shisui nodded firmly. "And no..." he swallowed hard, and pressed his lips chastely to Itachi's once more. "I can't...not yet. Not until there is peace and we can only think about each other. Not until you are old enough to be sure that you really want it, and the things that come along with it."  
  
"I'm not a child anymore." Itachi protested, feeling inferior in spite of himself, even if he did know where his friend was coming from.  
  
"Unfortunately, you're not. But as your senpai, you have to understand my position. Things like love...they kill the innocence within you and taint your heart. I care too much to do that to you."  
  
Itachi pressed his lips together, almost stubbornly in a way that, he was sure, would lead Fugaku to say that he was exactly like Sasuke.  
  
"This coming from the person who is all about living in the moment," he replied, straightening up and fixing his t-shirt, his back to Shisui once more. "Look who's being hypocritical now."  
  
"The happiness of the  _right now_  may be the cause for eternal grief tomorrow," the other boy said, in that mature tone that Itachi usually loved but that, right now, made him feel very stupid. "Trust me. I'll wait for you, if you do wait for me, as well. If, in a few years, you still want it, be sure that it'll happen."  
  
"Hn..." Itachi mumbled, resigned. "You can take it for granted."  
  
The spent a few more minutes there, letting the night completely engulf them and paint the village in shady tones. After a while, they both agreed that it was time to leave, so they jumped from the roof, opting to walk normally just to relish in each other's company for a while longer.  
  
They walked side by side. The streets were almost deserted save for a few passerby that were on their way home, so Shisui took the chance to grab Itachi's hand in his, the younger one automatically moving his fingers to intertwine them with his.  
  
"Things are going to become ugly soon," Shisui said lowly, after a while, burying his other hand inside the pocket of his trousers. "The coup is at our door, and now with you in ANBU, I'm sure the government is going to want to use you, and so will our family," he looked at Itachi, who looked up at his taller figure to let him know he was listening and digesting every single word, as usual. "You have to promise me that, no matter what happens, you'll always follow your heart. It doesn't matter if you make wrong choices or decisions; as long as you feel like you're doing what you think is right. Never look back, Itachi, and if you're ever afraid of something, that's when you know you have to move forward."  
  
Itachi nodded once, knowing that it would be enough for the other one to know that it was a promise he'd never let go of.  
  
Life was about to take a violent turn for the worse. Peace would come, one day, but the natural laws of life – the path of human kind until then – dictated that before peace could be achieved, chaos would have to happen. No love could prevail without first experiencing true hatred, and no calm could be appreciated before a violent storm. It was what it was.  
  
Itachi had seen a lot of bad things in his short life, but he knew that he had yet to see the worst of it.  
  
Still, he took faith in Shisui's dream, in his resolve. His best friend's will was a religion worth worshipping, and no matter what grief may come upon them, Itachi would make sure that that dream would come true.  
  
Even if, somewhere deep inside him, he knew he would walk that painful path alone.  
  
But the sake of the Shinobi world – the one he wanted desperately to purify so it could be a healthy world for his little brother to grow up in – and for the sake of Shisui, he would endure it all.  
  


**The End**

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